What is Somatic Coaching? And why I do what I do...

What is somatic coaching?

Somatic coaching is coaching that focuses on the body and the way that emotions are experienced in the body. 

Somatic coaching is about being fully present. Present in your body, present with your emotions, present with the people around you. 

A few years ago, I did an exercise. I had spent longer than I wanted to on my phone (for the umpteenth time) and this time, instead of going into a spiral of guilt, I sat down with a notebook and pen and asked myself: why? 

Why do I reach for my phone? What am I looking for? Safety? Excitement? Distraction?

I sat with my notebook and pen for over an hour, digging deeper into the reasons behind my screen dependency. 

And what I discovered surprised me. I reached for my phone when I no longer wanted to be present in my own life. When I was overwhelmed, upset, angry, lonely - when I was facing something that I didn’t want to have to deal with. I reached for my phone. It was an avoidance tactic, but it was also something deeper. A refusal to be present with the thing that I was experiencing, to sit with a negative emotion, to stay awake in a reality that was not what I wanted.

And I realised that I want to be present. I want to be in the room, really here for the messy parts as well as the fun parts of life. Which is easy to say, but of course it’s not so easy to do.

I’ve been on this journey with my phone for a while now, and I’d love to tell you that it’s easy. And, honestly? Some days it is. The endless itch, the need to fill my hands with my phone, to check it last thing before I go to sleep and first thing in the morning has lessened as I’ve implemented my own tools - my own screen-free routines. 

But when the chips are down, when I’m scared or tired or hurt? I still want to reach for it. I still feel that desire to escape from the present. And it’s natural. It’s human. It’s part of the relationship we have with our phones, with our emotions. But it can ultimately be self-defeating, because if we’re not present for the low moments we never find a way to work through them. To breathe, and recognise that it’s OK to have a bad day. It’s OK to have an argument. It’s OK to get a rejection letter…or any of the thousand other slings and arrows we might face in our day to day lives. It’s all OK. Or it will be.

And even though it hurts, even though it’s uncomfortable, there’s a value to sitting with the discomfort for a minute and letting it exist. 

One of the moments when I most struggled to let go of the need to reach for my phone was on the commute home if I’d had a tiring day. I’d be overwhelmed. Emotionally drained. Physically tired. And I’d be standing on a Tube platform, waiting for the Tube home with a brain that was too wired to do much. Too wired to write or plan, or be productive.

So I’d scroll on my phone instead, and get off the Tube feeling angry at myself and the world. And yes, Tube journeys can sometimes be easier to bear with a phone in your hand. And yes, sometimes the brain and body just reach an invisible limit and need to escape somehow. But the scrolling on my phone didn’t make me feel better - ultimately - it made me feel worse. 

So I brought curiosity in and asked myself: why did I feel the need to scroll on the Tube? What was I avoiding feeling? And the answer was: tiredness. I didn’t want to sit on the Tube and allow myself to feel tired, to not fill the 30 minute ride with something semi-productive. As a perpetual over-achiever, I hated an unfilled 15 minutes. Sitting still, feeling the ache of my muscles and the tired whirr of my brain was torture.

Which I suspect is true for many people. Certainly, when I go on the Tube almost everyone I see has escaped into their phones. But I didn’t want to.

So I made up the shoe game. It’s simple. Someone gets on the train, I don’t look at their face. I look at their shoes and try to guess everything I can about them from their shoes. Age, gender, occupation, romantic status, religion. Everything. It’s a silly game. Pointless. But it stopped me scrolling, and meant that when I got off the Tube I was present and had released a little tension from the day, rather then avoiding it.

Sometimes relationships shift with big changes, massive commitments. Sometimes. More often relationships shift with small steps, small things that keep us present and connected. It’s the same with our phones. Sometimes we can take big steps (unplugging for two weeks/buying a flip phone/deleting social media) - and they might work and they might not. But often it’s the small steps, the small changes we make in our relationships with our devices that count. 

In that moment with my notebook, years ago, I realised that I wanted to be present. With my own body, in my own life, present with the people around me. That was a big decision. But it’s the small steps, the short Tube journeys taken without scrolling, that make that decision a reality. 

If this blog spoke to you, I’d love to hear from you. You can get in touch at louisahadaricoaching@gmail.com. I’m mindful with technology, but I’m not a recluse and I will aim to get back to you within two days. :)

Until next time. Lx